Before flailing a wicket at a coconut in our demise and groaning threateningly, “There is always next year”, let us-people of noble and just character- set the record straight. For there was, indeed, little straight or orthodox about the turn of events that saw Llanishen win the Village Games for the first time on Sunday 29th 2010. In the name of fraternity, equality and above all liberty, I give you ladies and gentlemen, the bitter truth from the pen of La Comtesse des Bonsmoutons.
Through wind and ice cold rain, we made our way to the field of play to meet our rivals Llanishen and Trellech Grange on what would be our doomsday. Apart from some baseball-brainwashed amateurs throwing bats around before legging it, the cricket saw valiant attempts at bowling, fielding and batting as well as diving, falling and rolling. Nonetheless, these were in vain, for victory was not ours but boredom’s and that of the sad, sad men who train all year long for this “sportive” (I tell you now, cricket would not qualify as a sport on the continent) demonstration of hubris. A less manly affair, the touch rugby saw the participation of women and children who had hitherto been left to freeze on the sidelines. Despite another disappointing result as we came last for the second time that morning (not without the help of some inconsistent refereeing as Ryan’s try was outrageously disallowed), the touch rugby was a more enjoyable performance. Now, let us come to the more scandalous part of the games. In what was supposed to be a mixed adult three-legged race, Trellech Grange entered two men and Llanishen, two women (do these villages suffer from gender confusion?). Llanfihangel’s mixed team came second place in what should have been a flat-out win through disqualification of the other competitors. This would only be the beginning of much fraudulent rule-twisting and manipulation as our good man Jason’s welly-wagging was not measured correctly by none other than a citizen of Llanishen, the women’s tug of war was cancelled suddenly due to Llanishen’s women being worried about pelvic flushes, and our martyr Mike’s swing was taken from beneath him in the generation relay resulting in his bowl of water soaking him thoroughly (another sly technique mastered by a Llanishener). Fortunately, in Llanfihangel spirit and supremacy, Mike chucked the remains of his water at the fiend in question. On a more jovial note, we did nonetheless conquer all in the tug of war (well done boys!), the egg catching, the women’s coconut shy and –no surprises here- the great whiskey challenge. The day was all in all, a load of good fun for those who came out to enjoy the cheers and the tears of what was an adrenaline-packed Olympian event. Although some would say that we provided a public service in coming last, I would propose in Napoleonic fervour, that there is in fact always next year and by Jove, will our troops be ready then! Till then, may Llanishen enjoy their victory for they might as well have deserved it solely for providing the numbers and the place that made the Village Games 2010 a memorable event. Yours truly, King Horatio's partner in justice, the uncontrollable voice of frogs, La Comtesse des Bonsmoutons Bydd digwyddiadau newydd yn ymddangos yma yn fuan.
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